Erik Erikson, a prominent psychologist and psychoanalyst, proposed a
groundbreaking theory of psychosocial development that spans across the entire lifespan. Erikson's theory outlines eight distinct stages, each characterized by a unique developmental task and psychological conflict.
When Erik Erikson's developmental stages are not met, individuals may face various challenges and difficulties in their psychological and social development. Each stage presents a crisis we must overcome in some sense and when they don’t happen in childhood there will most likely be a larger crisis in adulthood.
Until the 80’s, when outside stressors were just beginning to be understood to have an impact on our lives, healthy parenting was not encouraged. Most commonly parenting included
Authoritarian Parenting where parents were expected to be strict and enforce strict discipline. Parents often emphasized obedience and conformity, and punishment, including physical discipline which was considered acceptable and even encouraged.
A clear distinction between the adult world and the child's world. Children were expected to be seen and not heard, and their opinions or emotions were often disregarded or minimized.
Traditional gender roles were strongly emphasized, with rigid expectations for boys and girls. Boys were encouraged to be strong, independent, and assertive, while girls were expected to be nurturing, passive, and domestic. Toys, activities, and even clothing were often segregated by gender.
Different disciplinary approaches were used for boys and girls. Boys were often subjected to harsh physical discipline, as it was believed that it toughened them up, while girls were more likely to receive verbal reprimands or shaming.
Emotional expression, especially for boys, was often discouraged or viewed as a sign of weakness. Children were expected to suppress their emotions and conform to societal norms of emotional restraint.
Parents held unquestionable authority, and there was less emphasis on open communication or negotiation. Children were expected to comply with parental demands without questioning them.
Some parents adopted a more hands-off or uninvolved approach to parenting, often delegating child-rearing responsibilities to other family members or assuming that children would learn and develop independently. This registers to the nervous system no differently than abuse.
Time out, punishment, and anger are still the most acceptable forms of parenting and yet depending on the stage of development could be causing harm.
A look at Erik Erikson’s stages
Stage 1: Trust vs. Mistrust (Infancy):
During the first year of life, infants are faced with the task of developing trust in their caregivers and the world around them. Successful resolution of this stage leads to the development of a basic sense of trust and security. Dr. Diane E. Papalia, a renowned developmental psychologist, highlights the importance of consistent and responsive care giving during this stage, stating, "Infants who have consistent, sensitive, and responsive caregivers learn to trust that their needs will be met."
Example: Baby Emma is provided with warm and attentive care by her parents. They promptly respond to her cries, provide nourishment, and create a nurturing environment. As a result, Emma develops a sense of trust and views the world as a safe and reliable place.
If a child does not develop a sense of trust and security due to inconsistent or neglectful care giving, they may develop trust issues and have difficulties forming healthy relationships later in life. Notice I said inconsistent. Each child is different and enough care giving is different for different children.
If parenting is difficult, seek the help that you need and if you know someone with a so-called “hard” baby, please reach out to them and become part of their village. Offer to cook or clean or grocery shop or whatever may be supportive. You have heard it before but maybe not in this context. We are all connected and another’s suffering doesn’t stay theirs for long.
Stage 2: Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt (Early Childhood):
In this stage, children seek to develop a sense of autonomy and independence while exploring their environment. Dr. Lawrence Kohlberg, a prominent psychologist, emphasizes the importance of supportive and nurturing environments during this stage, stating, "The child who feels competent to be autonomous and take control of their environment is more likely to develop a sense of self-confidence."
Example: Four-year-old Max is encouraged to dress himself, make simple choices, and engage in age-appropriate tasks. His parents provide guidance and support, allowing him to develop a sense of autonomy and self-confidence.
If a child's need for independence and exploration is excessively restricted or discouraged, they may develop feelings of shame, doubt their abilities, and struggle with decision-making and assertiveness as adults. Too often we want children to adhere to rules correct for older children but inappropriate in younger years. Young kids will make messes and break things. Natural consequences are much better teachers than a harsh “no” and looks of disappointment.
Stage 3: Initiative vs. Guilt (Preschool Age):
During this stage, children begin to assert control over their environment and explore their expanding capabilities. Dr. Robert Selman, a leading expert in child development, explains, "Children who are encouraged to take initiative in their play, creativity, and decision-making develop a sense of purpose and direction."
Example: Six-year-old Lily is encouraged to pursue her interests and engage in imaginative play. Her parents provide her with opportunities to express herself creatively, fostering a sense of initiative and purpose.
Stage 4: Industry vs. Inferiority (School Age):
In this stage, children strive to acquire new skills and develop a sense of competence in various domains, including academics, sports, and social interactions. Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes the importance of fostering a growth mindset during this stage, stating, "Children who believe in their capacity to learn and grow through effort develop a sense of industry and resilience."
Example: Ten-year-old Ethan is encouraged to take on challenging tasks, explore different subjects, and pursue hobbies. His parents provide support and emphasize the value of effort, leading him to develop a sense of industry and competency.
If children do not receive recognition or encouragement for their efforts and accomplishments, they may develop an inferiority complex, feeling inadequate and incapable in comparison to others. Again, their effort is just as important as their accomplishments. They will accomplish more for the rest of their lives if this stage’s needs are met.
Stage 5: Identity vs. Role Confusion (Adolescence):
During adolescence, individuals embark on a quest for self-identity, grappling with questions of who they are and their place in the world. Dr. James Marcia, a leading researcher on identity development, proposes that adolescents who successfully navigate this stage achieve a sense of identity and purpose.
Example: Sixteen-year-old Maya explores her interests, values, and aspirations while seeking a sense of identity. She engages in self-reflection, explores various activities, and gradually develops a clearer sense of who she is and what she wants in life.
If teenagers are unable to explore and develop a sense of self, they may experience role confusion, not knowing who they are or what they want to become. This can lead to difficulties in forming a stable identity and making appropriate life choices.
This is a difficult stage. Teens are able to communicate well and they appear self-sufficient but their brains are still in development. In the very stage where they are supposed to be grappling with questions, we are too often enforcing answers. And then, we are frustrated that the younger generations are without purpose.
Stage 6: Intimacy vs. Isolation (Young Adulthood):
In this stage, young adults seek to form deep and meaningful relationships with others. Dr. John Bowlby, a pioneering figure in attachment theory, states, "Intimacy is the capacity to be open, vulnerable, and emotionally connected with others. Those who develop this capacity build lasting and fulfilling relationships."
Example: Twenty-five-year-old Alex actively seeks emotional connection and forms healthy and intimate relationships. They embrace vulnerability, trust, and open communication, leading to the development of fulfilling connections with others.
If individuals have not successfully resolved earlier developmental stages, they may struggle with intimacy, trust, and emotional vulnerability, resulting in difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. Here is when we begin to see the effects of missed earlier stages. Here we can slide through this stage blaming partners or circumstances. The next stage is where a crisis will most likely hit.
Stage 7: Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood):
During middle adulthood, individuals focus on contributing to society, nurturing others, and leaving a meaningful legacy. Dr. Erik Erikson himself emphasizes the importance of generativity, stating, "Generativity involves leaving a positive impact on the next generation and the broader community."
Example: Forty-five-year-old Sarah devotes her time to mentoring younger colleagues, engaging in community service, and raising her children with love and guidance. She finds fulfillment in making a positive difference in the lives of others.
If individuals have not developed a sense of purpose, contributed to society, or nurtured others, they may experience feelings of stagnation, a lack of fulfillment, and even despair. In this stage, when our biology wants us to look outward and join in serving humanity, if we have missed multiple developmental stages then we turn inward and become self-focused. This speaks to the rise of narcissists. In adulthood we have the power to manipulate a crisis with addiction of any type or put more gently with distraction and may not seek healing.
Stage 8: Integrity vs. Despair (Late Adulthood):
In the final stage, individuals reflect on their life's accomplishments and evaluate their sense of fulfillment. Dr. Laura Carstensen, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes the significance of maintaining a sense of purpose and finding meaning in life during this stage, stating, "Individuals who find purpose and meaning in their later years experience a sense of integrity and wisdom."
Example: Seventy-eight-year-old William reflects on his life's journey, finding contentment and fulfillment in the experiences, relationships, and contributions he made over the years. He embraces a sense of integrity and wisdom as he navigates late adulthood.
It can be so enlightening and somewhat heartbreaking to feel that tinge inside as you study these developmental steps and see and feel what might have been missed. Hopefully it sends you on a healing journey. This journey is the one we hope to support at The Wholeness Network. As you embrace all of who you are and are not, you both begin a journey to wholeness and express wholeness in the very same moment.
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